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| "Wheel of Life" (8" x 10") Acrylics on Canvas Board |
Twenty-five years ago, I was an artist. I was at University studying Asian Civilizations, married to my high school sweetheart, and painting and sketching every chance I got. Every year I would enter my latest stuff in the Delaware County Fair. And on a few occasions, I went home with a red or blue ribbon. I was fascinated by my wife's artistic ability. She came by it naturally being that her mother was a painter. My wife's specialty was porcelain dolls. And she was really good at it. Much better an artist than I thought myself. But then life changed. I earned my Bachelor's and My Master's, got a divorce, moved to a new state, and somewhere along the line forgot about Paul Wolf Holleman the "Artist".
Mind you, the art thing came up again. My second wife was artistic to a degree. She had her hobbies that included artistic endeavors. I was always fascinated by the clever ideas she would come up with. I wished I was that clever. I was that clever, but life had numbed me to a point that I did not recognize or realize it. I trudged away at the field I had inadvertently "chosen" through the process of skill elimination: Information Technology. Life changed again, as it always does. Divorced once more, mired in a broken wheel that spun but went no where.
And once again, Art raised it's head and mocked me. I met a woman who was an Artist to the core. She had a rich appreciation of art in all it's forms. Again, I was fascinated at her cleverness, her intuition, her vision. I found myself starting to enjoy the artistic adventures the two of us took: pottery, glass beads, Art in all its forms. And then 2 things happened that shocked me. First, she threw it all away. The Art. It was not her dream anymore. She had a new dream. A dream that didn't include the creation of objects of beauty. Although I applauded her determination to become the thing she has now become, a part of me thought it was such a waste of talent. So much artistic talent, just shoved into a closet to collect dust where the world will never experience it. I'd like to think the only reason she really quit was because she had convinced herself she could never make money being an Artist without being "famous". That is something I don't believe. Then, second, she threw away our relationship. Which in truth is not fair to say. Our friendship is still there, but the love evaporated like the morning dew in the bright sun. Once again, I was left, artless.
And then I had an epiphany: "Wait a minute! I'm an artist. Why do I keep living vicariously through the women in my life to sate my need for beauty?" Twenty-two years after the loss of something deep within me, I had found it again. My own creative drive to express the artistic beauty within me. I bought canvas. I bought paints. I bought brushes. And I painted the piece you see above, "Wheel of Life". As a Buddhist and a human being who has been through so much, I understand and believe in the transience of life. I have experienced it.
In August of 2009 I became an Artist again, and I have been doing it ever since. These 3 years I have pursued my art, my writing, my need to create objects of beauty. Do I want to get famous from being an artist? Sure, it would be nice. But I am content in one day being able to merely make a living painting, writing and creating. It is a passion rediscovered. One which pushes me on a daily basis to be better than I am. And now, I have a support group of family, friends and loved ones who understand my passion and support it, in whatever way they can. My fiance' inspires me, my family assures me, and my friends encourage me. And at the end of the day it all comes down to one simple quote I like to use. It is a line from a character played by Nick Nolte in the movie "New York Stories".
"We don't do art to be good... we do it because we have to."
Details: "Wheel of Life" (8" x 10" Canvas Board, Acrylics) was created in late 2009, and now hangs in the private collection of Judah Waggoner (Purchased).
