A Thousand Secrets

"Chian MiMi", Acrylics on Stretched Canvas

There are a lot of stories from my childhood that I start with the words "When I was 13 years old." It was an important year for me in many ways. I learned a lot, and I started to become somebody unique and diverse. One of the primary things that happened was my discovery of Religion. I had been going to a Methodist Church with my family where we lived, in Muncie, Indiana. Our attendance was not what you would call regular, necessarily. But enough, that my family felt they belong. Except for me. I was already accustomed to not fitting in at school and elsewhere. So it was no surprise that I would feel out of place at church, too. My biggest problem with the sermons that I kept hearing no matter what church I visited were the negative messages. "If you do this... you're going to hell!". "If you do that... you're going to hell." To me it seemed all of these people were obsessed with whether they were going to heaven or hell when they died instead of being obsessed with life in the here and now. So, one Sunday, I told my mother, "I'm not going to church anymore."

You have to understand that for all the conservatism my parents practiced- and still do- my mother has always had a streak of Social Liberalism. Which I appreciate. I'd like to think I get it from her. My mother said to me, "what are you going to do, then?" I didn't know. I knew there was something else out there that had to fit me. But, I didn't know how to find it. And back in 1980, we didn't have the Internet. So, my mother suggested I do some reading; find out what else was out there that seemed interesting to me. Rather than just write off Christianity all together, do some comparative studies. Now, this may seem a little odd to some. But, you have to know that by 13 I was already knee deep in advanced academic studies, anyway. I was on a path to one day be a "Scholar." So, I think my mother saw this as much as an exercise as anything.

For a year I studied everything I could get my hands on from the school library as well as the Bracken Library at Ball State University: Judaism, Islam, Catholicism, even Zoastrainism. It was- and is- my belief that people tend to conform themselves to a religion that is picked for them, rather than find a religion that conforms to them. I made a list of what I "believed" in at the time. Then went searching for something that fit that list. I found my answers in Buddhism: connectedness; compassion; peace. And when I discovered it, I became it. I have been a Buddhist now for 32 years. And I have tried to live my life through the philosophy of Buddhism in everything I do. 

"Chian MiMi" refers to the Chinese words that mean "A Thousand Secrets". Atop that list is the secret to life, the universe, and everything. Some might say "42", but my answer is "Compassion". In this painting, which was my third after having started painting again, I try to show the Buddha lingering on the middle path between chaos and order. I utilize three of the most recognized iconic symbols in Asia: the luck dragon; the Buddha; and the symbol of Happiness. This was the painting that made me realize that my Impressionistic style could be valid and acceptable. It was of this painting that my ex-girlfriend- the artist who became a Dental Hygienist- said "You did this? This is good." And gave me the final bit of assurance and validation I needed to continue this path. The sale of this painting a year later was the confirmation.

Details: "Chian MiMi", 26" x 32", Acrylics on Stretched Canvas, was created in late 2009, now hanging in the private collection of John D. Gaultney (Purchased).

Water Lillies

"Water Lillies" Acrylics on Stretched Canvas

Art is incredibly subjective for both the Artist and the audience. Some artists take great strides to present a message or a perspective that has depth in meaning, while others- notably the Dadaists- avoid meaning at all cost. As artists, when we are young and learning, often we are driven to please our mentor, our teacher, our parents, or others around us. When I decided to rediscover my art, I made a conscious decision to "just create". My goal was not to conform my style, my subject, or any other aspect to any motive but one: to be creative. It is my belief that when it comes to creativity, one must follow the heart and the inspiration much like a flower follows the rays of the sun, bending here and there to achieve life.

While I can appreciate any art in any of it's forms or styles, I have always been most attracted to Impressionism. Van Gogh, Manet, Toullouse-Letrec have always been my favorite painters. The mere name of the style holds a fascination for me: to create an impression of a thing. In the right context a simple brown line can become a mighty, thick and sturdy tree reaching into the air with strength. What you- the viewer- sees is usually up to you. If you see what I have tried to reveal, awesome. If you see something else, that works, too. With art, both the physical eye and the spiritual eye must work together to view, consume, and decipher the overall scene before you. There is a certain visual synchronicity that occurs.

My second foray into my newly rediscovered love of art produced the piece "Water Lillies", an experiment in dimensional art. At the center of each flower is a piece of amethyst, serving as the anchor for the subject, and in the right conditions reflecting a purple light on other elements of the painting. Within the layers of foliage there is an Impressionaistic sense of order, or maybe it's chaos: you decide.

Details: "Water Lillies" (8" x 10" Acrylics on Stretched Canvas) was created in late 2009 and now hangs in the collection of Phil and LuAnn Holleman (Gifted).

The Wheel of Life

"Wheel of Life" (8" x 10") Acrylics on Canvas Board

Twenty-five years ago, I was an artist. I was at University studying Asian Civilizations, married to my high school sweetheart, and painting and sketching every chance I got. Every year I would enter my latest stuff in the Delaware County Fair. And on a few occasions, I went home with a red or blue ribbon. I was fascinated by my wife's artistic ability. She came by it naturally being that her mother was a painter. My wife's specialty was porcelain dolls. And she was really good at it. Much better an artist than I thought myself. But then life changed. I earned my Bachelor's and My Master's, got a divorce, moved to a new state, and somewhere along the line forgot about Paul Wolf Holleman the "Artist".

Mind you, the art thing came up again. My second wife was artistic to a degree. She had her hobbies that included artistic endeavors. I was always fascinated by the clever ideas she would come up with. I wished I was that clever. I was that clever, but life had numbed me to a point that I did not recognize or realize it. I trudged away at the field I had inadvertently "chosen" through the process of skill elimination: Information Technology.  Life changed again, as it always does. Divorced once more, mired in a broken wheel that spun but went no where.

And once again, Art raised it's head and mocked me. I met a woman who was an Artist to the core. She had a rich appreciation of art in all it's forms. Again, I was fascinated at her cleverness, her intuition, her vision. I found myself starting to enjoy the artistic adventures the two of us took: pottery, glass beads, Art in all its forms. And then 2 things happened that shocked me. First, she threw it all away. The Art. It was not her dream anymore. She had a new dream. A dream that didn't include the creation of objects of beauty. Although I applauded her determination to become the thing she has now become, a part of me thought it was such a waste of talent. So much artistic talent, just shoved into a closet to collect dust where the world will never experience it. I'd like to think the only reason she really quit was because she had convinced herself she could never make money being an Artist without being "famous". That is something I don't believe. Then, second, she threw away our relationship. Which in truth is not fair to say. Our friendship is still there, but the love evaporated like the morning dew in the bright sun. Once again, I was left, artless.

And then I had an epiphany: "Wait a minute! I'm an artist. Why do I keep living vicariously through the women in my life to sate my need for beauty?" Twenty-two years after the loss of something deep within me, I had found it again. My own creative drive to express the artistic beauty within me. I bought canvas. I bought paints. I bought brushes. And I painted the piece you see above, "Wheel of Life". As a Buddhist and a human being who has been through so much, I understand and believe in the transience of life. I have experienced it.

In August of 2009 I became an Artist again, and I have been doing it ever since. These 3 years I have pursued my art, my writing, my need to create objects of beauty. Do I want to get famous from being an artist? Sure, it would be nice. But I am content in one day being able to merely make a living painting, writing and creating. It is a passion rediscovered. One which pushes me on a daily basis to be better than I am. And now, I have a support group of family, friends and loved ones who understand my passion and support it, in whatever way they can. My fiance' inspires me, my family assures me, and my friends encourage me. And at the end of the day it all comes down to one simple quote I like to use. It is a line from a character played by Nick Nolte in the movie "New York Stories".

"We don't do art to be good... we do it because we have to."


Details: "Wheel of Life" (8" x 10" Canvas Board, Acrylics) was created in late 2009, and now hangs in the private collection of Judah Waggoner (Purchased).

Another Beginning

My name is Paul Wolf Holleman. I am an Artist and a Writer in Louisville, KY. You may have seen my other Blog called "The Lupine Epicurean", which is a Foodie Site. I am creating this new site to talk about my other great passion: Art. In the coming weeks I will write about technique, art history, what turns me on, and of course, display my own work. Hopefully, it will be a fun ride. I hope you enjoy.